A few thoughts on teenagers and dating...(this could be a long one!)
The trouble with this whole area is that the Bible doesn't say much, and what it does say is easy for clever people to excuse themselves from. So I think the first thing to do is to remember about how we look to God for guidance, splitting decisions into 'obedience', 'wisdom' and 'trivia' (see two posts down if you're confused!)
The thing about teenage Christian dating, that is dating at an age where you're clearly not going to get married next week, is that a lot of it is, I feel, about wisdom. But the tendency for some people is to make these matters ones of obedience (e.g. 'If you kiss your girlfriend on the lips, that's wrong') and for some people is to make these matters ones of trivia ('God really doesn't mind who I go out with'). Obviously if you're a teenager the temptation for you will always be to make everything trivial!
So, let's start at the beginning, and look at where human relationships fit in to our Christian life...
If you're a Christian, your relationship with Jesus is the most important one in your life (or should be). No other relationship can give you what this one does; salvation from judgement, a place in the New Creation, access to God in prayer, the Holy Spirit guiding you. No boy/girlfriend can compete with that!
So, in biblical order of priority, here are our relationships;
Relationship with Jesus
Relationship with husband/wife (if you had one!)
Relationship with family and friends
Relationship with myself (doing what I want)
If you have a boy/girlfriend, because you're not married to them it'll come between husband/wife and family/friends, where exactly will depend on how serious it is.
That means that when thinking about who to go out with, the most important consideration is 'How will this person help my relationship with Jesus?' It seems to me that if we asked that question honestly before we started going out with someone, that would save a load of trouble. Notice the question isn't 'Is this person a Christian?' but 'How will this person help my relationship with Jesus?' It's all to do with which relationship has priority. Imagine that I want a dog, I'd love to have a relationship with a pet dog. However, my wife Lizzie is allergic to dogs - so if I bring a dog home, it will seriously damage my relationship with Lizzie. Since my relationship with my wife is more important than my relationship with any dog could be, I leave the dog in the pet shop because it won't help my relationship with Lizzie.
Having got that sorted, let's think about issues of obedience (of which I think there are few):
a) Because any kind of physical relationship reflects (to some extent) marriage, it should be between a guy and a girl (Gen 2:24, Romans 1:25-27)
b) Sex is for within marriage, and therefore not for people who are dating (Gen 2:24)
c) Our very closest friends should be Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) - our boy/girlfriend should be one of our very closest friends (if they're not, why are you going out with them?!) so should be a Christian.
d) Since we should pray about everything (Phil 4:6), we should pray about whether to go out with someone or not
OK, more to follow soon...
Thursday, 8 February 2007
Marriage v Singleness
'A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh' Genesis 2:24
'It is good for a man not to marry' 1 Corinthians 7:1
There's often a debate about whether God says in the Bible that it's normally right for Christians to marry, though in some cases it's right to stay single, or whether God says that it's normally right for Christians to stay single, unless they can't manage it in which case they can marry. The two verses above show why there's this debate.
It's quite hard to be unbiased when talking about this, because all of us are (a) married or (b) single! Let's try to think about what God's saying, and why he's saying it.
Genesis 2, in which God makes man and woman and they are married (in v24 above) comes before the Fall. That means it happens in this world before things go wrong. Therefore, God intended marriage as part of his initial creation. Let's notice a few things about what marriage therefore is:
a) It is between a man and a woman
b) It is lifelong (they leave their parents and become a separate family unit)
c) It involves sex once they are married (they get married and then 'become one flesh') - so the place for which God intends sex is inside, not outside, marriage
After the Fall, though, there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, or perfect wife or husband (just ask Lizzie!) Post-Fall, God allows divorce in certain (very limited) circumstances. But the ideal of marriage (who it involves and what it involves) is still the same, and it's what married people should strive for.
Also very important (and often forgotten) is that Bible reveals that human marriage is actually a picture, a visual illustration, of the relationship between Jesus and his church (Christians). Ephesians 5:23, 25 - 'The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.' Christian marriage, the way the husband and wife treat each other, reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.
Both the fact that there was marriage before the Fall and that Christian marriage reflects the marriage between Christ and his church suggests we should be careful about saying that being married isn't the norm for Christians, or that it's something God gives us to stop us having sex outside marriage (like giving a toy to a naughty child to stop him playing with other people's toys).
What then is 1 Corinthians 7 on about when it says it's good NOT to marry? Well, there are advantages to being single, the biggest one of which comes in 7:32-34. 'An unmarried man is concenred about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided'. In other words, the great advantage of being a single Christian is that you can spend all your time working only for God, rather than sometimes needing to look after your wife/husband. So Paul can say 'I wish that all men were as I am' (ie single, v7), because then no-one would have a wife or husband to look after.
That means that singleness is a gift - which is a message Christians in today's society need to hear and understand, because the media, peer pressure, advertising, everything is telling us that if you're single you're a bit of a failure really. Not at all - if you're single that's a gift God's given you so you can spend more time serving him.
Some people have that gift of singleness for life - and they're not 'weird' or 'strange'. But the thing about 1 Corinthians 7 is that in v26 Paul talks about 'the present crisis'. The Corinthian church was falling apart because of sexual immorality; and Paul seems to be asking everyone just to calm down, settle down, not to rush into things or to think that all Christians ought to marry or that all Christians ought to be single.
We should take heed of that advice today, and celebrate marriage as part of God's good creation and reflecting Christ's relationship with his church, and also celebrate the gift of singleness which God has given to some of his servants.
'It is good for a man not to marry' 1 Corinthians 7:1
There's often a debate about whether God says in the Bible that it's normally right for Christians to marry, though in some cases it's right to stay single, or whether God says that it's normally right for Christians to stay single, unless they can't manage it in which case they can marry. The two verses above show why there's this debate.
It's quite hard to be unbiased when talking about this, because all of us are (a) married or (b) single! Let's try to think about what God's saying, and why he's saying it.
Genesis 2, in which God makes man and woman and they are married (in v24 above) comes before the Fall. That means it happens in this world before things go wrong. Therefore, God intended marriage as part of his initial creation. Let's notice a few things about what marriage therefore is:
a) It is between a man and a woman
b) It is lifelong (they leave their parents and become a separate family unit)
c) It involves sex once they are married (they get married and then 'become one flesh') - so the place for which God intends sex is inside, not outside, marriage
After the Fall, though, there's no such thing as a perfect marriage, or perfect wife or husband (just ask Lizzie!) Post-Fall, God allows divorce in certain (very limited) circumstances. But the ideal of marriage (who it involves and what it involves) is still the same, and it's what married people should strive for.
Also very important (and often forgotten) is that Bible reveals that human marriage is actually a picture, a visual illustration, of the relationship between Jesus and his church (Christians). Ephesians 5:23, 25 - 'The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.' Christian marriage, the way the husband and wife treat each other, reflects the relationship between Christ and the church.
Both the fact that there was marriage before the Fall and that Christian marriage reflects the marriage between Christ and his church suggests we should be careful about saying that being married isn't the norm for Christians, or that it's something God gives us to stop us having sex outside marriage (like giving a toy to a naughty child to stop him playing with other people's toys).
What then is 1 Corinthians 7 on about when it says it's good NOT to marry? Well, there are advantages to being single, the biggest one of which comes in 7:32-34. 'An unmarried man is concenred about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided'. In other words, the great advantage of being a single Christian is that you can spend all your time working only for God, rather than sometimes needing to look after your wife/husband. So Paul can say 'I wish that all men were as I am' (ie single, v7), because then no-one would have a wife or husband to look after.
That means that singleness is a gift - which is a message Christians in today's society need to hear and understand, because the media, peer pressure, advertising, everything is telling us that if you're single you're a bit of a failure really. Not at all - if you're single that's a gift God's given you so you can spend more time serving him.
Some people have that gift of singleness for life - and they're not 'weird' or 'strange'. But the thing about 1 Corinthians 7 is that in v26 Paul talks about 'the present crisis'. The Corinthian church was falling apart because of sexual immorality; and Paul seems to be asking everyone just to calm down, settle down, not to rush into things or to think that all Christians ought to marry or that all Christians ought to be single.
We should take heed of that advice today, and celebrate marriage as part of God's good creation and reflecting Christ's relationship with his church, and also celebrate the gift of singleness which God has given to some of his servants.
Guidance and the Word of God
When I was on summer camp last year, there was a seminar on guidance which really helped me in the way I think about how to make decisions in a Christian way, rather than just being a Chrisitan who makes decisions. Essentially, decision-making was split into three categories: obedience, wisdom and trivia.
Obedience was where the Bible is clear on whether or not I should do a particular thing. For instance, the Bible says 'Do not get drunk' (Ephesians 5:18), and so as a Christian I should obey that clear command. My decision as to whether or not to get drunk is a matter of obedience.
Wisdom was where being a Christian should affect my decision, but there is nothing in the Bible making it obvious which decision I should make. For instance, to 'abstain from sinful desires' (1 Peter 2:11) - in other words, not to put myself in a position where I know I'll desire to sin. So if there's a party where I know everyone else will be drunk, it's a matter of wisdom as to whether I go. If I go, I know I will be tempted to get drunk - so the wise decision is not to go. (On the other hand, I may decide the wisest decision is to go, not get drunk, and therefore live differently in front of my friends).
Trivia is decisions that just don't matter to my life as a Christian. I'm at a party, I'm having one drink, should I have a glass of wine or a beer? The Bible doesn't say anything about which, nor is it a matter of wisdom - it's a trivial decision.
Thinking about decision-making in these categories is, I've found, very helpful. The one I always slip up on is the 'wisdom' area. Obviously, when the Bible clearly says something, that pretty much makes my decision for me. But it's very easy to relegate matters of wisdom, where I should be thinking 'Christian-ly', to a trivial matter, because then that means that I don't need to think about it. Particularly in the area of sex and relationships, it's important if we think something is trivial to be honest about why we think that...is it because it really is trivial or because it's a matter of wisdom that I'd like to be trivial so that I can do whatever I like?
Obedience was where the Bible is clear on whether or not I should do a particular thing. For instance, the Bible says 'Do not get drunk' (Ephesians 5:18), and so as a Christian I should obey that clear command. My decision as to whether or not to get drunk is a matter of obedience.
Wisdom was where being a Christian should affect my decision, but there is nothing in the Bible making it obvious which decision I should make. For instance, to 'abstain from sinful desires' (1 Peter 2:11) - in other words, not to put myself in a position where I know I'll desire to sin. So if there's a party where I know everyone else will be drunk, it's a matter of wisdom as to whether I go. If I go, I know I will be tempted to get drunk - so the wise decision is not to go. (On the other hand, I may decide the wisest decision is to go, not get drunk, and therefore live differently in front of my friends).
Trivia is decisions that just don't matter to my life as a Christian. I'm at a party, I'm having one drink, should I have a glass of wine or a beer? The Bible doesn't say anything about which, nor is it a matter of wisdom - it's a trivial decision.
Thinking about decision-making in these categories is, I've found, very helpful. The one I always slip up on is the 'wisdom' area. Obviously, when the Bible clearly says something, that pretty much makes my decision for me. But it's very easy to relegate matters of wisdom, where I should be thinking 'Christian-ly', to a trivial matter, because then that means that I don't need to think about it. Particularly in the area of sex and relationships, it's important if we think something is trivial to be honest about why we think that...is it because it really is trivial or because it's a matter of wisdom that I'd like to be trivial so that I can do whatever I like?
Verse of the week
'And who gave you authority to do this?' Mark 11:28
Here's a question: how do you react when you read the Bible and realise that Jesus is asking you to change your thinking or lifestyle in some way? Do you:
(a) Close the Bible again. If you ignore him, Jesus might go away.
(b) Find a different bit of the Bible to read. Jesus might say something nicer if you pick a different bit.
(c) Come up with lots of arguments why that doesn't apply to you really
(d) Accept that Jesus is clearly challenging you, but that you're not going to change anyway - I mean, who does he think he is?
(e) Accept what Jesus says, say sorry for the wrong way you've been living, and ask for his help to change from now on.
Let's be honest, most of us often answer a - d. And in fact, whenever we do a, b or c, we're actually doing (d) - we're seeing Jesus challenging us, telling us how we ought to live or think or behave, and we're essentially saying 'What gives you the right to tell me this? Who do you think you are?'...'I'll decide for myself thank you very much Jesus.'
That's what the chief priests said to Jesus after he cleared out the temple. The temple was dear to their hearts; it was what their confidence and social standing relied on; and Jesus came in and essentially said 'You're getting it wrong. You need to change.'
And they react with this question - 'Who gave you authority to do this?' - 'Who are you to tell us what to do?'
The answer, of course, is that Jesus is God's Son, and that's why he has authority to tell anyone how to live, including us. There's a challenge for us when Jesus tells us that something we love doing, something that gives us confidence or popularity or enjoyment, is not right, and that we need to change. Will we join the religious leaders and turn round to Jesus and say 'I don't recognise your authority to tell me what to do', or will we bow to Jesus and say 'You are God's Son. I'll change, with your help.' The natural answer is the first one; the Christian answer is the second.
There's a warning in all this, of course, because those religious leaders didn't accept Jesus' authority, and they ended up killing him to shut him up - and 40 years later, the temple they held so dear to their hearts was totally and utterly destroyed. The question is not actually whether Jesus has authority or not; the question is whether we accept it and gain eternal life, or reject it and fact judgement.
Here's a question: how do you react when you read the Bible and realise that Jesus is asking you to change your thinking or lifestyle in some way? Do you:
(a) Close the Bible again. If you ignore him, Jesus might go away.
(b) Find a different bit of the Bible to read. Jesus might say something nicer if you pick a different bit.
(c) Come up with lots of arguments why that doesn't apply to you really
(d) Accept that Jesus is clearly challenging you, but that you're not going to change anyway - I mean, who does he think he is?
(e) Accept what Jesus says, say sorry for the wrong way you've been living, and ask for his help to change from now on.
Let's be honest, most of us often answer a - d. And in fact, whenever we do a, b or c, we're actually doing (d) - we're seeing Jesus challenging us, telling us how we ought to live or think or behave, and we're essentially saying 'What gives you the right to tell me this? Who do you think you are?'...'I'll decide for myself thank you very much Jesus.'
That's what the chief priests said to Jesus after he cleared out the temple. The temple was dear to their hearts; it was what their confidence and social standing relied on; and Jesus came in and essentially said 'You're getting it wrong. You need to change.'
And they react with this question - 'Who gave you authority to do this?' - 'Who are you to tell us what to do?'
The answer, of course, is that Jesus is God's Son, and that's why he has authority to tell anyone how to live, including us. There's a challenge for us when Jesus tells us that something we love doing, something that gives us confidence or popularity or enjoyment, is not right, and that we need to change. Will we join the religious leaders and turn round to Jesus and say 'I don't recognise your authority to tell me what to do', or will we bow to Jesus and say 'You are God's Son. I'll change, with your help.' The natural answer is the first one; the Christian answer is the second.
There's a warning in all this, of course, because those religious leaders didn't accept Jesus' authority, and they ended up killing him to shut him up - and 40 years later, the temple they held so dear to their hearts was totally and utterly destroyed. The question is not actually whether Jesus has authority or not; the question is whether we accept it and gain eternal life, or reject it and fact judgement.
Thursday, 1 February 2007
Harry Potter and the exciting release date
So, 21st July is the big day, when the last HP book is finally released, and half of this marriage is already quite excited (I am quite intruiged to see how she'll finish it too, but because I'm a bit of a snob I'm pretending that I don't really care). And you can be sure that millions of people will be really excited about the chance to get cracking on this book, the chance to open it up and find out what happens to Harry, to read and re-read it and to discuss it with friends.
There are countries in the world where people feel the same way about the Bible - countries where people don't have Bibles and long to be able to read about Jesus, to be able to find out more about him and discuss what they've learned with friends. I was reading about one Chinese guy who prayed for months that somehow God would bring him a Bible...I remember a story about a man in eastern Europe in a Communist country who cried tears of happiness when a missionary brought him God's Word.
The Bible is on my bookshelf right now - and when I think about my own attitude towards God's Word, I am ashamed. It's not that often I get excited about reading it, not that often that I concentrate fully on it, not that often that I turn off the telly so I can spend more time finding out about Jesus. Even amongst Christians, there will probably be more excitement about Harry Potter VII coming out in July than about reading God's revelation to us in his Word.
Do we believe the Bible is God's Word? Do we believe that it tells us about Jesus Christ, a real man who is the most important figure in history? Do we believe that the Bible explains to us how we can be saved and how we can live God's way? If we say 'Yes' to those questions, surely we should look forward to opening it up, we should long to know more of what it says. Do you want to know more about Dumbledore's death or the Lord Jesus' death? Do you look forward to 21st July as HP release day or another day to read God's Word and live his way?
Sometimes we have the same perspective as everyone else unthinkingly; let us instead, each time Harry Potter is mentioned in the next six months, think instead about Jesus, and remind ourselves that it is reading about him that should be our priority when we choose what to read.
There are countries in the world where people feel the same way about the Bible - countries where people don't have Bibles and long to be able to read about Jesus, to be able to find out more about him and discuss what they've learned with friends. I was reading about one Chinese guy who prayed for months that somehow God would bring him a Bible...I remember a story about a man in eastern Europe in a Communist country who cried tears of happiness when a missionary brought him God's Word.
The Bible is on my bookshelf right now - and when I think about my own attitude towards God's Word, I am ashamed. It's not that often I get excited about reading it, not that often that I concentrate fully on it, not that often that I turn off the telly so I can spend more time finding out about Jesus. Even amongst Christians, there will probably be more excitement about Harry Potter VII coming out in July than about reading God's revelation to us in his Word.
Do we believe the Bible is God's Word? Do we believe that it tells us about Jesus Christ, a real man who is the most important figure in history? Do we believe that the Bible explains to us how we can be saved and how we can live God's way? If we say 'Yes' to those questions, surely we should look forward to opening it up, we should long to know more of what it says. Do you want to know more about Dumbledore's death or the Lord Jesus' death? Do you look forward to 21st July as HP release day or another day to read God's Word and live his way?
Sometimes we have the same perspective as everyone else unthinkingly; let us instead, each time Harry Potter is mentioned in the next six months, think instead about Jesus, and remind ourselves that it is reading about him that should be our priority when we choose what to read.
Verse of the week
'We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard' Acts 4:20
Acts is a wonderful book, a great encouragement in showing us how God grew his church in the days after Jesus went back to heaven; but also it's a great challenge as we see just how committed and excited the first Christians were about sharing their faith.
In Acts 4, Peter and John are hauled up before the most important court in the land because they keep telling people about Jesus. And the court tell them quite firmly that they are to shut up - to which this pair reply that they can't stop themselves speaking about what they've seen and heard from Jesus.
This is a great encouragement to us, for it reminds us that guys like Peter and John, who between them wrote seven books of the New Testament, weren't just making things up - they had seen Jesus' miracles, his death and resurrection, and they'd heard him teaching and discussing. And it was because these things had really happened, and they'd seen them, that they weren't going to shut up, even when that got them into really difficult situations.
But there's the big challenge for us, for can we truly say that we 'cannot help speaking' about Jesus, about his death and resurrection? When people tell us to shut up about Jesus, what do we do? How many times do we not say anything at all just in case someone tells us to shut up?
Next time you're in a position to tell someone about Jesus, but you're worried about your reaction, why not remind yourself of the wonderful truth that Jesus' death and resurrection really happened, and how important it is the person you're speaking to knows about it - and try to adopt the attitude of John and Peter, who when told by a really powerful group of people to shut up, replied, 'Sorry, we can't keep quiet. This is too amazing and too important' - 'We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard'.
Acts is a wonderful book, a great encouragement in showing us how God grew his church in the days after Jesus went back to heaven; but also it's a great challenge as we see just how committed and excited the first Christians were about sharing their faith.
In Acts 4, Peter and John are hauled up before the most important court in the land because they keep telling people about Jesus. And the court tell them quite firmly that they are to shut up - to which this pair reply that they can't stop themselves speaking about what they've seen and heard from Jesus.
This is a great encouragement to us, for it reminds us that guys like Peter and John, who between them wrote seven books of the New Testament, weren't just making things up - they had seen Jesus' miracles, his death and resurrection, and they'd heard him teaching and discussing. And it was because these things had really happened, and they'd seen them, that they weren't going to shut up, even when that got them into really difficult situations.
But there's the big challenge for us, for can we truly say that we 'cannot help speaking' about Jesus, about his death and resurrection? When people tell us to shut up about Jesus, what do we do? How many times do we not say anything at all just in case someone tells us to shut up?
Next time you're in a position to tell someone about Jesus, but you're worried about your reaction, why not remind yourself of the wonderful truth that Jesus' death and resurrection really happened, and how important it is the person you're speaking to knows about it - and try to adopt the attitude of John and Peter, who when told by a really powerful group of people to shut up, replied, 'Sorry, we can't keep quiet. This is too amazing and too important' - 'We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard'.
Thursday, 25 January 2007
A great song of confession
Here's a really helpful song based on this week's Verse of the week, Jeremiah 2:13 (see below). I first sang it on Ashville 3 summer camp last August, and I think it's a really great way to think biblically about the sin we're guilty of - it's useful both for singing together with God's people gaterhed together in church, and for using as a prayer on your own at home...
Two sins have we committed,
two sins that we cannot deny.
We’ve turned from you, the fount of living water
and have tried to drink from cisterns cracked and dry.
What fools we are. How blind we are.
Have mercy Lord, mercy on us.
Forgive us Lord and help us see.
Change our hearts that we might live
for you, O Lord, for you O Lord always.
Two sins have we committed,
two sins are plain before our eyes.
We’ve walked away from the truth that brings us freedom
and have settled for more comfortable lies.
What fools we are…
Two sins have we committed,
two sins at which you stand appalled.
We’ve turned from you, our glorious Creator
and have worshipped things that are no gods at all.
What fools we are…
Just replace the 'We's with 'I's and you've got a wonderful prayer of confession. And then once you've admitted the reality and awfulness of your sin, remember the words of your Saviour:
'I am the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life' (Revelation 21:6).
Song by Sam Chaplin© 1999 Corner Music
Two sins have we committed,
two sins that we cannot deny.
We’ve turned from you, the fount of living water
and have tried to drink from cisterns cracked and dry.
What fools we are. How blind we are.
Have mercy Lord, mercy on us.
Forgive us Lord and help us see.
Change our hearts that we might live
for you, O Lord, for you O Lord always.
Two sins have we committed,
two sins are plain before our eyes.
We’ve walked away from the truth that brings us freedom
and have settled for more comfortable lies.
What fools we are…
Two sins have we committed,
two sins at which you stand appalled.
We’ve turned from you, our glorious Creator
and have worshipped things that are no gods at all.
What fools we are…
Just replace the 'We's with 'I's and you've got a wonderful prayer of confession. And then once you've admitted the reality and awfulness of your sin, remember the words of your Saviour:
'I am the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life' (Revelation 21:6).
Song by Sam Chaplin© 1999 Corner Music
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