The Dating Game I

A few thoughts on teenagers and dating...(this could be a long one!)

The trouble with this whole area is that the Bible doesn't say much, and what it does say is easy for clever people to excuse themselves from. So I think the first thing to do is to remember about how we look to God for guidance, splitting decisions into 'obedience', 'wisdom' and 'trivia' (see two posts down if you're confused!)
The thing about teenage Christian dating, that is dating at an age where you're clearly not going to get married next week, is that a lot of it is, I feel, about wisdom. But the tendency for some people is to make these matters ones of obedience (e.g. 'If you kiss your girlfriend on the lips, that's wrong') and for some people is to make these matters ones of trivia ('God really doesn't mind who I go out with'). Obviously if you're a teenager the temptation for you will always be to make everything trivial!

So, let's start at the beginning, and look at where human relationships fit in to our Christian life...

If you're a Christian, your relationship with Jesus is the most important one in your life (or should be). No other relationship can give you what this one does; salvation from judgement, a place in the New Creation, access to God in prayer, the Holy Spirit guiding you. No boy/girlfriend can compete with that!

So, in biblical order of priority, here are our relationships;

Relationship with Jesus
Relationship with husband/wife (if you had one!)
Relationship with family and friends
Relationship with myself (doing what I want)

If you have a boy/girlfriend, because you're not married to them it'll come between husband/wife and family/friends, where exactly will depend on how serious it is.

That means that when thinking about who to go out with, the most important consideration is 'How will this person help my relationship with Jesus?' It seems to me that if we asked that question honestly before we started going out with someone, that would save a load of trouble. Notice the question isn't 'Is this person a Christian?' but 'How will this person help my relationship with Jesus?' It's all to do with which relationship has priority. Imagine that I want a dog, I'd love to have a relationship with a pet dog. However, my wife Lizzie is allergic to dogs - so if I bring a dog home, it will seriously damage my relationship with Lizzie. Since my relationship with my wife is more important than my relationship with any dog could be, I leave the dog in the pet shop because it won't help my relationship with Lizzie.

Having got that sorted, let's think about issues of obedience (of which I think there are few):
a) Because any kind of physical relationship reflects (to some extent) marriage, it should be between a guy and a girl (Gen 2:24, Romans 1:25-27)
b) Sex is for within marriage, and therefore not for people who are dating (Gen 2:24)
c) Our very closest friends should be Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) - our boy/girlfriend should be one of our very closest friends (if they're not, why are you going out with them?!) so should be a Christian.
d) Since we should pray about everything (Phil 4:6), we should pray about whether to go out with someone or not

OK, more to follow soon...